hear the army

i’m glad i had bijou in japan…don’t get me wrong, i am sure there are wonderful clinics and birthing centers all over the US but i wonder if they would be covered by insurance, etc. yes, it wasn’t cheap here either, but the 7 night stay (including the night of the birth – arrived 11pm) after a cesarean trumps what i hear the is usually only 2-3 night in the US and the food was amazing!

what could i possibly be doing all that time?

Saturday I had the cesarean about 1am and had a fitful night of numb legs and general discomfort. Saturday day was spent trying to turn from side to side as much as i could but mostly just on my back as it was still too painful to move much. Plus I had an IV at one end and a catheter at the other. I couldn’t eat or drink anything but Bijou stayed next to me most of the time, nursing at will. The midwives came in a lot to take our temps, change my IV, take my blood pressure, etc.

Tatsuta-san (my Japanese mother/tutor) comes to visit me (we usually meet for coffee Saturday mornings)!

The night was long as she would nurse for 15 mins, fall asleep, wake up again in 30 mins wanting to nurse again all night long.

Sunday it seemed my insides started working again in the afternoon, the catheter was removed and i was allowed to eat soup, watery rice, etc. and drink. I also made it to a standing position sometime in the afternoon and took my first trips to the bathroom since Friday night. That and, of course, a lot of practice nursing and long sessions with the midwife trying to help me get it right.

Sunday night was a replay of the last – virtually no sleep.

Monday
Even more solid food!

Now that I could stand, I also started changing her diapers and keeping track of things – the baby was put mostly in my care from then. She has a little chart where I am to record what time I find pee or poo in the diaper, what times i feed, and record both of our temperatures twice/day. Since her birth weight was so low to begin with, the usual weight loss following birth was a bit dangerous and she didn’t pee for an entire day so we started giving her about 5ml of formula via a tube taped to my breast as she nursed a couple times/day.

Today a pediatrician came to check her health – all okay! 🙂

Visitors abound! Betsy came bright and early baring great conversation & laughs as always along with an amazing gown she made for Bijou and some gifts from Mexico! 🙂 As she was leaving, Isseki’s grandmother came in with Mr & Mrs Hirao who I met my first summer here as he was heading up the painting of the grandmother’s hospital that I worked on. Later that evening Isseki’s dad came by to meet his granddaughter also!

I was given my last IV of antibiotics and was able to shower!! By the evening though I was so exhausted from 2 nights of no sleep – cracked nipples – feeling like a failure at breastfeeding, etc. I started crying in bed with her. I was apologizing to her for not being able to produce/do what she needed to survive and told her i was worried i couldn’t take care of her etc. The entire time she was laying next to me with her little hand wrapped around my finger and she would just squeeze periodically as if to tell me, “no, mom -it’ll be alright”…we only got up about 3 times that night – joyous sleep!

Tuesday – real food! Now I get a bonus snack at 3pm too! woo hoo!

Feel like I’m getting the hang of things…remembering to write all her movements and feeding times down – remembering to take her temperature, etc. I also get to watch how to bathe her today as the responsibility will be mine tomorrow. Oh – and some blood tests for the both of us.

Isseki’s grandmother’s cousin (who took care of Isseki when he was a baby and his mom was still in medical school) stopped by to meet Bijou! She was right in time for the baby formula demo and talk.

That night they presented my celebratory dinner – amazing!! We asked the midwives if they could take Bijou for an hour so we could enjoy this time together. Isseki came a little early from work with his own dinner, champagne & flutes and my first pair of real diamond earrings! A wonderful evening to toast our beautiful girl.

Wednesday – My first time to bathe Bijou! I’m very nervous I might drop her in the bath and another couple asks if they can watch too – eeek! We change her diaper, weigh her and I’m slowly lowering her feet first into the pristine bath water when…ppppfffffttttt! She poops all over my arm and the bath!! Classic. We all had a good laugh but the couple decided to move on while we got a fresh batch of bath water. I’m praised for my bathing techniques – Bijou is happy as a clam in the bath!

She also gets a hearing test today – thankfully the live shows don’t seem to have damaged anything!

I only call the midwives now for supplies really – we are doing alright just the two of us most of the time (thankfully isseki shows up after work most days to hold her at the time i’m almost at the end of my energy supply while i take a short nap) even though i am doubtful she’s latching on properly and in pain.

At least we’re back to breast only though they have to painfully manually squeeze some out of me since she tires quickly just by sucking. Amazingly babies at this stage can actually drink from a cup!! They forget later and we have to re-teach them!

A colleague and his wife come by after work to visit but I have to send them away after 30 mins as Bijou was fussy all evening and still hadn’t allowed me to eat my dinner 1 hour after it had arrived…her emerging pattern was sleep all after lunch until around 4pm and then be fussy until 10pm….

Thursday – two more colleagues were sweet enough to stop by – we go home tomorrow!

The reality sets in – am i ready to do this alone? She’s gaining weight but I am very swollen and it takes longer and longer with more and more frustration on both of our parts for her to latch on. I try massaging before each feed to help but still not easy – eventually she always feeds but my nerves are short a lot.

My stitches are removed and we both get a pre-discharge exam. I have lost 8kg (17lbs) in a week (last weigh-in was Wednesday before the birth) – almost exactly HALF of my total pregnancy gain (16kg or 35lbs)! Sounds good but when I think…only 17 more pounds to go…it seems like a long way. My belly still looks like i’m about 5 months pregnant and my boobs are massive.

There is also a meeting with the office staff to discuss fees. Eeeeek! The damage for cesarean birth and a 7 night stay: 500,000 yen ($4,750)! I’m late on my paperwork (because she was early) so we still have to apply for the reimbursement but should get 350,000yen of that back ($3,320), so about 150,000yen ($1,500) out of pocket for the birth – can anyone tell me how that rates compared to the US?

That night she is inconsolable again – i nurse 2 times in 1.5 hours, change her diaper, rock her, walk with her, sing to her but she still won’t settle and my dinner sits for another hour – the staff comes looking for my dishes. I get stressed so call the midwife on duty – what am i doing wrong? what can i do? She says, “oh, here, i’ll take her so you can eat” but i pull back thinking, great, but what do i do TOMORROW at home when you aren’t here to take her!?! Tell me what to do! She suggests I give her a good burping so i try and she does – even spits up a bit, but no luck. Call again, “don’t worry, just let us take her and eat, you’re tired” – my emotions are escalating now and before i know what’s happening i’m in tears and can’t even open my mouth to respond cause i will start blubbering. Now I’m embarrassed too and the nurses sweet attempts to console me are just making it worse – i want her to leave and to collapse and just cry it out, but of course, she can’t and I can’t so there we are – me a mess and probably having the same effect on Bijou.

She brings a sling and i finally get her to settle enough in that to let me eat. Isseki shows up and the nurses tell him i broke down and I get lectured by all of them on how to relax. I’m defensive and frustrated and wondering why I can’t just be allowed to be overwhelmed and emotional – a rough night.

Friday – we’re outta here! I wake up early, write my experience in the clinic journal, pack our things and wait for Isseki to arrive with some clothes for Bijou and I. One of my favorite midwives (did i mention that all but 1 of them were stellar – always soft-spoken, calm, and trying to help/encourage me) comes in to give me all of my follow up appointment information, some photos of the birth, instructions for what to eat, blood test results (Bijou got an A+ on her test! Already an ace…), footprints, a CD of her first cry and a SUPER CUTE toy for Bijou.

The clinic has been awesome and I’m going to miss the gorgeous and healthy food, but I’m happy to be going home. Even though I’m wondering how we are going to cope…ready or not – off we go!

reference:
Kameda Maternity Ladies Clinic