today
Lined up like the single string of pearls around our necks; the row of beads circling our hands. All black. Following the leader and the rules – bow, pray, pinch, hold, burn, bow. Did I forget anything? One glance above the buddhist priest to the bright, framed face of the promising adolescent who’s first name I didn’t even know. Turn to face the family – another deep bow, wishing I didn’t have to come up to meet her face. Then breaking all the rules and wrapping my arms around her while I kissed her and said how sorry I was.
I tried to grasp the loss before we entered the room. I had dealt with loss twice this year – but nothing like this. A mother should not have to bury her child.
He did no more than put his head down to rest in class – after he started to snore the teacher tried to rouse him but he only lifted his head slightly with a pale face. The he was gone. Just like that…as quickly as we were filed in and out of the room to pay our respect. Only the smell of the incense still lingering.