hear the army

If you have been busy, sick, away or any combination of the 3 – do not try to recontact your friends who you haven’t seen much of lately and tell them “you miss them”. You’re asking for trouble. Why? Read on…

This weekend I became aware that the characteristics I thought made up the kind of person I did want to be were actually those of the person I didn’t want to be! D’oh!I am sharing what I learned in the hopes of saving someone else from the shock I experienced when I was accused of being all of the following:

1. “a bad friend” – someone who…
   1. possesses some differing interests and therefore sometimes will decline socializing with you to indulge in those;
   2. feels no need to cc both husband & wife every time he/she shares information with one or the other (ex. I meet your wife somewhere and ask her if you’d both like to see a movie with my husband & I this weekend yet never contact you directly. You find out I’m sick through your wife and not through me directly. Etc.) ;
   3. has helped a friend get a job when they were unhappy with their current employment status and the friend becomes unhappy with that job also*;
   4. will cancel events at the last minute if they are sick or dealing with some difficult situation (a loss, etc.).
2. “a hipster/scenester” – someone who
   1. supports their partner’s hobbies and interests and attends events surrounding them;
   2. invites others to the events that they enjoy attending;
   3. sometimes has to pass on other happenings in order to attend said events.
3. “someone who would do anything to get ahead even at the expense of their friends” – someone who
   1. tries to better themselves by participating in professional and volunteer organizations;
   2. involves his/herself with more than one circle of people;
   3. holds his/herself to high standards at work and works hard to live up to that work ethic.

To avoid any confusion you should also know that a “someone who loves you” (as a friend) may:

1. Ignore every attempt you make to connect with them and cease to invite you to anything once they feel that you are a “bad friend” (see above).
2. Publicly attack your character when they are upset rather than just telling you if you’ve done something specific that has hurt them.
3. Feel justified in ignoring difficult times you are going through because they heard about those difficulties through your or their spouse and not directly from you.
4. Refer to art created by you or those you are close to as: “a bore”, “shit”, etc. just because they aren’t interested in it.

* This is probably invalid if the friend remains happy with the employment you have helped them find.

Might have to add “having a sense of humor about it all when you have been hurt & insulted & have yet to receive an apology” to the “bad friend” definition after this post…then again…