hear the army

Since we are having our wedding here, I thought you might be interested in knowing about Japanese wedding etiquette (never mind the fact that I need to know about it!):

Most couples these days have western style weddings even if they are not Christian. I’ve heard different reasons for this but I believe basically it’s just trendy and less hassle than a traditional Shinto wedding. This means the bride and groom will wear a wedding dress and tux rather than kimono but the similarities practically end there. Sometimes only the close friends and families attend the chapel ceremony but the wedding party (reception) is a huge event where family, friends, and colleagues celebrate the occasion. These are usually 1-2 hours long and quite an affair!

The general wedding party (after the chapel wedding) goes something like this: The guests arrive and are greeted by friends of the bride and groom designated to man the uketsuke table, this is where guests sign the guest book and leave a ceremonial money envelope. It is the custom to give cash as the wedding gift in Japan all of which is usually used to offset part of the wedding cost. The amount is up to the giver but usually coincides with the relationship to the bride and groom and your stage in life (a student would be expected to give a lot less than a business man). There is a special envelope (shugi-bukuro) that the money should be presented in, the bills should all be new, and they shouldn’t be divisible evenly between the couple (so odd amounts are better but even if you give 30,000yen and it’s in 2/10,000 + 2/5,000yen bills then it still is bad luck because the couple can divide it evenly).

Everyone usually mingles for a while and then is seated at their name card. A full meal is served while various honored guests give speeches and performances. These can range from serious to silly to tearful. Usually some friends sing a karaoke song, the boss of the groom gives a speech, the bride & groom give speeches to their parents, etc. I’ve heard of some weddings resembling game shows and others being a lot more like dinner. The biggest difference between the idea of an American reception and a Japanese wedding party to me is that there is usually no dance floor and designated dances – instead there are performances by guests and games.

Usually a few hours after the reception there is an after party (nijikai) – where a few of the wedding guests and people who weren’t invited to the wedding party (typically it’s for the younger crowd) get together somewhere and drink, sing karaoke, etc.

The dress code for the wedding party is similar to that of the US – some girls will wear kimono – but otherwise what you would wear in US is fine here. As far as the after party goes there usually is no dress code.

For more information on customs check out:
Wedding Channel.com – Giving money
About Japanese Wedding
Japanese Weddings, Favors, and Gifts Today

For a couple personal accounts of Japanese weddings (thank you for this information and pictures!):
Peter Payne’s Japanese Wedding Experience
A Japanese Chapel Wedding – March 18, 2001